This mixture of emotions is really killing me.wad have i done?was it a wise decision of mine?questions after questions keep burning in my head.there's this guilt in me that just couldn't be washed away.i feel like shit.
Me n fadli aKa Mr Mazda 6.we're a closed chapter.to think bout it,we were never an open chapter in the first place?!?!?!!!
U surprised me this morning when u said u have landed in singapore,when u were actually supposed to reach tomorrow instead.den u wanted to meet up with me at the void deck before i went to work.at the void deck u surprised me once again with the supposedly birthday gift of mine.but of course i couldn't accept it.a gift worth $1K is not something i deserve.n i knew there was a message that lies behind that gift.
True enuff.wad i thot turned out to be the worst nightmare.u spilled ur innermost feelings towards me,n i knew u expected the same kinda reaction from me.but the chemistry u felt with me was something that i did not feel while being with u.
U blamed my past for making me wad i am now.u were disappointed i never wanted to give u the chance.fadli,u will never understand wad i went thru.it's hard for me to accept love at this point of time n remember i told u dat at the beginning of our friendship.so why did u still choose to pursue a relationship with me,when i have made it clearly known to u that i am not interested?
Love is something that i uphold on to tight n once i lose it,it's as similar as my world come tumbling down.Going thru it with that person i truly love most has changed me in an instant.I come to realise that the hopes and dreams we both used to share were not meant to be build together.It was sad that i saw so much potential in him as my significant other,yet things turned out not as planned.n because of all these,i never wanted to believe in love again at this moment of time.pls dun get me wrong.i am over the past.the wound has healed,but the scar is still prominent.
So fadli,i dun want to c u as being a part of me because i feel forced to.love cannot be forced n i hope u understand.at another standpoint,i still need my frens around me.u not being able to mix around with them is a major problem.i need them more then i need a life partner.n i believe ur also unable to give me that kinda freedom i used to have in my past relationships.freedom is something i need most.
I'm sorry to have broken your heart.But i've never promised anything to u.You chose to severe all contacts with me.I hope this will do us good.Do take care n i hope you will find a better girl in the future.I'm not worth ur love.From the bottom of my heart,thank you for the splendid dates that we used to have and the sacrifices u made for me.Those small things that u've done for me will never be forgotten.Thank you for shining that light of joy in me for the past months.I will miss you as a companion n a fren.
this is specially for u fadli.
"i wanna thank you for giving me the best days of my life.just to be with you is having the best days of my life"-thank you by dido-
Lynn's Penny For Tots at
6:32 PM
