My Personified World Of Friendship

Monday, January 30, 2006

that call i had with u today cleared my doubts and worries.n i thank god i finally made the move.initially i was contemplating as to whether i shud or not.But i asked myself till how long shud i let this drag on?n furthermore i couldn't take it anymore.i knew they wanted me to make the decision by today.so i took the risk.if he get my intentions wrong n things get worse,then i guess it was meant to be dat way la rite.but alhamdulillah we got on well over the phone after quite some time n definitely most of my doubts were answered.he even personally did the invitation.

n with dat,guess wad people...........

I'M GOING TO BATAM WITH HIS FAMILY.

n i haf to personally thank azreen n hakim for giving me the "courage" to make the move.i know i couldn't do it coz i am "so tak biasa" making the first move.but these 2 kinda motivated me to do so n get over n done with it.n true i'm done!

on a slightly more happier note,i'd like to congratulate dayana on her engagement.dah jadi tunang org skarang.i will pray that u n muz will kekal ke anak cucu.and guess where i headed to after dat.

KARAOKE SESSION!!!

we had loads of fun.dat is for sure.even me with sore throat sang my hearts out.as a result it got worse today.n to add on to it,i had to work!but den who cares i was basically slacking at work since there was really no one around.imagine in that whole department,only me n azreen were working.hahahaa...

i dunno y but i'm feeling so elated :)
oh before i forget let's welcome my new blog reader,tatia nurfarina.
my dear,ur linked!

pics for viewing as follows.

the princess of the day

pinky me & nad with dayana

the poly mates

the "dulangs"

da crazy peeps

believe it or not,we were duet-ing a dangdut song~!

da complete us

mar,my primary school fren whom i'm still in contact with

azreen,colleague cum good fren

Lynn's Penny For Tots at 9:20 PM

Thursday, January 26, 2006

it's funny how a friend's recent break up could bring you memories of the past.for a moment i felt affected,i dunno why.

there's this tingling feeling in me dat disturbs my emotions rite now.all these while i've never allowed myself to feel this way,but somehow today it just seemed different.n i'm not gonna let myself follow this flow of mixed emotions.i've always been a strong willed person when it comes to feelings n emotions n i will not let anyone or anything break me down again.NEVER!!!

n u know wad..in the first place,i dun even know why i'm typing dis down.

Lynn's Penny For Tots at 2:15 AM

Sunday, January 22, 2006

have i told you lately how much i love you?i may have not shown you much,but trust me deep inside i have been loving you all these while.all my life.....

thank you for the scrumptious lunch over at secret recipe n coffee at Mcafe today.i had the most loveliest time with you.catching up,gossiping,bitching,laughing our hearts out n most importantly time alone with you.

my dear twin sista cum cuzzy cum life partner,you are an angel sent from heaven.this blood tie will never die btwn us.i promise.

22/01/06 had been a great day out.though we may have been busy with our own lives,i believe that deep inside us we will never fail to be there for each other.i'm happy for you now n i hope that happiness will last. =)

Lynn's Penny For Tots at 11:19 PM

Thursday, January 19, 2006

i've been asked the same question umpteen of times by many people."lynn,y not just forgive n forget?"

it's not dat i'm unwilling to do so.but we've had many unresolved issues.we had a bad ending remember?

this time i'm sticking to wad i hold on to.

all i ask for is a personal and sincere apology cum explanation from u.it mite seem too much for u,but dat is all i want from u.

only then i shall willingly give in n forgive u for shattering my heart.

call me cruel but even till da day u leave this world n no apologies have been extended,i will still bear this grudge in me.

now i feel betta after letting it out.

n to my dear miss mariam,upon reading ur entry i just feel glad dat i could enlighten u with my personal experiences..i share ur pain but keep ur head up high ok darling.the days will get better as they go by.i promise u.i know u can do it.i have faith in u!!! =)

gawdd it's already 4.40am.i dun even know y i'm here.i need sleep!

Lynn's Penny For Tots at 4:26 AM

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

another colleague left the department today.i'm feeling sad of her departure but at the same time i'm happy as well.haaa..y??coz i'm back to being the youngest in my shift.kehekhekhee...*evil grin*

one by one,the colleagues are leaving.i wonder when will it be me?i love the people here,but the job sucks!the pay is worse.do u know dat as a procurement specialist in other companies,the pay is much higher than here in IBM?n when i tink of it,this line is not my forte.i'm here just to gain the experience and learn more about the working world.

somehow i've planned my immediate career path.i have tots of resigning from IBM if i get accepted to NIE.yes,Lynn wants to try teaching.hahahaaa...do u know dat being a teacher was my childhood ambition?ok make dat my second choice.my 1st choice was actually to be a lawyer.u know la i can talk a lot.kehkehee...but my parents discouraged me from pursuing that dream due to unforseen reasons.so i opted teaching as my nxt dream career.i started relief teaching n giving tuition during my poly years.i tried to use those experiences as a stepping stone for myself,but instead i lost the passion to teach.i dunno y...it just died.den when i began my career here in IBM n also my tuition sessions in SSP,i come to realise that teaching is something i do best.in SSP,i relived my passion for teaching n that motivated me to take up NIE.i'm praying for the best.i'm only willing to give it one shot.if i get accepted,alhamdulillah...that will be my path.if not,i will still go on and search for the right career for myself.NEVER SAY DIE!!! =P

on another note,i received an invitation to batam with his family,which will be in late February.it's something like their family gathering kinda thingy.i wudn't haf mind if it was like with ppl i know.but this is with his whole EXTENDED family.i'm kinda in a whirl as to whether i shud go.3 things playing in my mind:

(1)if he wanted me to come along,why didn't he personally ask me out?why did he need to get his aunt to ask me rite?

(2)why does his mum wants me to follow?it's not like as if i know her dat well la kan.

(3)it's their family gathering.y da hell shud i tag along?i'm not part of the family at all!!well apparently almost everyone "anggaps" me as one already.

so how?dilemma tau....it's been a long time i made my way to batam.i miss my indon friends.n at the same time i wanna go Nagoya n shop!!!bagaimana dong?gwe nggak bisa memutuskan-nya.gwe bingung skalik!

this is wad happens when u get close with the family when ur in a relationship.but in my case,this is the story of the EX!!!!howwwwwww???i'm suppose to like decide by this wk.somebody...anybody....pls help me...

sheeshh..i took almost 1hr of my break time to type this meaningless entry.i betta get back to my pile of cases which needs to be resolved.

Lynn's Penny For Tots at 6:45 PM

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

This mixture of emotions is really killing me.wad have i done?was it a wise decision of mine?questions after questions keep burning in my head.there's this guilt in me that just couldn't be washed away.i feel like shit.

Me n fadli aKa Mr Mazda 6.we're a closed chapter.to think bout it,we were never an open chapter in the first place?!?!?!!!

U surprised me this morning when u said u have landed in singapore,when u were actually supposed to reach tomorrow instead.den u wanted to meet up with me at the void deck before i went to work.at the void deck u surprised me once again with the supposedly birthday gift of mine.but of course i couldn't accept it.a gift worth $1K is not something i deserve.n i knew there was a message that lies behind that gift.

True enuff.wad i thot turned out to be the worst nightmare.u spilled ur innermost feelings towards me,n i knew u expected the same kinda reaction from me.but the chemistry u felt with me was something that i did not feel while being with u.

U blamed my past for making me wad i am now.u were disappointed i never wanted to give u the chance.fadli,u will never understand wad i went thru.it's hard for me to accept love at this point of time n remember i told u dat at the beginning of our friendship.so why did u still choose to pursue a relationship with me,when i have made it clearly known to u that i am not interested?

Love is something that i uphold on to tight n once i lose it,it's as similar as my world come tumbling down.Going thru it with that person i truly love most has changed me in an instant.I come to realise that the hopes and dreams we both used to share were not meant to be build together.It was sad that i saw so much potential in him as my significant other,yet things turned out not as planned.n because of all these,i never wanted to believe in love again at this moment of time.pls dun get me wrong.i am over the past.the wound has healed,but the scar is still prominent.

So fadli,i dun want to c u as being a part of me because i feel forced to.love cannot be forced n i hope u understand.at another standpoint,i still need my frens around me.u not being able to mix around with them is a major problem.i need them more then i need a life partner.n i believe ur also unable to give me that kinda freedom i used to have in my past relationships.freedom is something i need most.

I'm sorry to have broken your heart.But i've never promised anything to u.You chose to severe all contacts with me.I hope this will do us good.Do take care n i hope you will find a better girl in the future.I'm not worth ur love.From the bottom of my heart,thank you for the splendid dates that we used to have and the sacrifices u made for me.Those small things that u've done for me will never be forgotten.Thank you for shining that light of joy in me for the past months.I will miss you as a companion n a fren.

this is specially for u fadli.

"i wanna thank you for giving me the best days of my life.just to be with you is having the best days of my life"-thank you by dido-

Lynn's Penny For Tots at 6:32 PM

Sunday, January 01, 2006

finally,the year has turned 2006.i must say that yr 2005 has indeed been a fast n challenging one for me.in that whole yr i got a new job,patched back in a relationship which alas had a bad ending,gained many friendships,enjoyed the nitelife,travelled out of country without my parents and how could i not forget,the best birthday celebration ever!

in yr 2005,i had a total of 3 celebrations just for my own birthday,which means i had 3 birthday cakes.wooohoooo..............

cake #1,courtesy of the colleagues

cake #2,courtesy of my beloved friends

cake #3,courtesy of Harem Beauty Spa

yeah yeah did u c SPA there?hehhzz...i held a spa party in conjunction with my birthday.yes...ur eyes are not fooling u.it was really fantastic,especially with the girls and the friendly staffs around.there was the massage,facial,herbal steam,creambath n etc etc...we all had 6 different treatments each.the massage was superb i tell u.i really needed it.n u know wad,i mite just make the trip to the spa like a routine.n oh since it was in conjuction with my birthday,the staffs actually surprised me with the cake.i tot the girls planned it,but i was so proven wrong.sweet kannn the staffs.n did i mention we had complimentary sheesha? ;)

the girls that made the spa party happen

the uber sweet staffs

birthday girl =)

sheesha virgin.kehekhekehe...

smoke weed~!

i like this pic of azreen :D

i'm the smoke machine.hehehee :P

after all the fun,we dressed up n started cam whoring again!

thank u Harem Spa...my birthday celebration was a success.so after all the spa treatments,off we headed to celebrate the new year.me n diana went to meet the 4PM peeps at east.dgr2 sebelum tu ada org tu ingatkan dia hilang hp.after so much panicking,she realised that the phone was actually in her bag!!!!tak nak cakap sape la kan.hekhekhekeee....

the peeps reached east coast at abt 11pm.n so we headed down to leisure bowl.dgr2 lepas massage takleh exercise la kan,so i gave bowling a pass.instead i carried on with wad i expertise in.CAM WHORING!!!hehehe...

n i tink i have not done a write up of my celebration with my beloved friends rite?gawdd this post is really gonna be lonnngggg....i'll try to summarise it up n post the pics instead.hw bout dat?

my friends made my birthday this yr the most wonderful experience.though there were so much sabo-ing,i truly enjoyed the surprises n gift that they gave me.ahmad,diana,izzati,naddy,usop n zul from the bottom of my heart thank you so much for making my 22nd birthday a fun and memorable one.This is definitely a moment i've waited for eversince my sucky 21st birthday.

n also for those who actually remembered my birthday.ppl like dee,zakiah,iskandar,wan,fadli,helmy,syafiq pendek and syafiq tinggi,ani,sham,ishdah,my bro,tatia,hairi,hakim,nana,fir and hairul.ur sms-es n calls touched me in many ways.once again,thank you for having me in ur tots. :)

ok pics as per below.

wallaaaa~!there u have them,those are only some of da pics.n this has been a very very long post.

for me,yr 2004 has been bitter and yr 2005 bittersweet.hopefully 2006 will be sweet n filled with much much happiness insyallah.

goodbye 2005, n now i embrace yr 2006 with open arms.

Lynn's Penny For Tots at 2:16 PM