Friday, July 29, 2005
waarrgghhhh!!!!it's already 3.30am & i'm still slogging at work.i am so freaking tired n sleeeppyyy....*yawnz* so much things to do yet so little time.
juliana is on medical leave.n me being her backup,i have to cover so much things for her.so frustrating ok!!!!she went on mc n i have so much to do for her.i can't believe that i actually need to finish up her workflow for her.even those that was not done weeks back.geram nyee.....n tomorrow wee chieh is on leave aso.that chap is going to bkk.n me aso being the back up have to cover for him horr...n my ms azreen is on leave aso tomm.i'm so alone...~Lonelyyy....kehkehkee...
these wks have been quite hectic.especially after me going on medical leave for 2 days last wk.everyday there will be issues to settle.i tink i shud demand for a pay increase.waitt a minute....dats not exactly a bad idea,kan kan kan?
k la enuff bout work eh.if i continue whining,i tell u tak habissss!!!let's talk bout something else shall we...
it feels great to be on the roads again.hahahaha...kekok seyy dah lama tak drive.n as always ms lynn is always late for her practicals.lucky my instructor got used to me.waa sayang samaa luu la cik bani.serious man,i could feel the adrenaline rush in me when i was driving.nak speed ajek lynn.cik bani say i drive like pro...cey cey ceyyy...kembang jap lah kan.tak slalu org puji tau tau tauu...
talked to mum a few days back.she asked me bout him.mum posed this qn,interesting i tell u.
Mum:Do you hate him for leaving you?
Me:*immediate response* No.
Mum:And y is dat?
Me:Maybe it's really not meant to be n i could never learn to hate him.i went thru so much with him.I can't possibly hate someone that i love so much rite?N also i grew stronger from this relationship.
Mum:I'm proud of you Nur.U conceal ur sadness well enuff not to affect the ppl around u.But i can c it thru ur eyes.I'm ur mum remember?
She smiled n hugged me tight.I was touched.All these yrs as a child,i conceal a lot of my personal matters from my parents.Now i'm slowly trying to open up to them,especially mum.N i thank god she's quite open with them.*smiles*
oh no!!it's already 4.10am.i tink i wanna go home already.i still need to work later.can i not work? :( but it's ok.i'm anticipating the weekends...can't wait to meet up with Farra,my cousin.it's been a while.woohooo!!!
Till my next update!
Lynn's Penny For Tots
at 3:35 AM
Sunday, July 24, 2005
E.T is one classic show that will never fail to bring me to tears upon watching.it's just so sad especially the part where E.T was dying and they had to part.i remembered crying in the cinema when i went to watch it a few yrs back.n today my mum spotted me crying silently at the corner of the living room.he he he...
n btw my dear readers,pls disregard the last post.i tink i was mentally unstable at that point of time.ha ha...but it sure felt good letting it out.i needed that.i felt much happier when i attended daniel's wedding.The solemnization at Aloha resort went pretty well.He was a handsome groom n his wife,Iris,was a beautiful bride.The solemnization was one of the moments that truly touched me in many ways.It was one of the moments that must have meant a lot for both of them.when they said i do to each other,i felt so happy for them.i was proud of daniel as he is ready to carry the reponsibility as a husband. :)
today's SSP lesson was ok la.too bad la i had to meet my parents after the session.kalau tak boleh join lepak2 with wyna,diana,saiful n darius.i'm getting a bit uptight with 4PM's programs for these upcoming months.so much meetings n paperwork to do,exam papers to set.whoaaaa!!!i need real time management now.
just need to insert this in....
it satisfies me to have been able to finally smile at you,like how we used to,today.
Lynn's Penny For Tots
at 11:45 PM
Saturday, July 23, 2005
i was abt to blog abt da wonderful yesterday i had when suddenly a show caught my attention.
i watched thru it.
i was reminded of him.
i tot of him.
i actually called out his name.
i broke down.
i cried non stop.
i should stop being sappy.Lynn,ur so weak.fancy u looking back on a closed chapter.shame on u!
*breathe in & breathe out*
it's a wonder how a man who
once
made u felt like as if u were on cloud nine,
once
promised u happiness in a perfect world,
once
gave u that love n secure feeling upon looking into his eyes,
once
let u had da feel n imagining of how living together would be,
once
made you treasure him even more with every passing day,has totally poofed out of ur life just like that.look at the words in bold.ONCE it spelt.
it's difficult when u've been hurt real bad.
i was.
i still am.
arrghh dis is not the real me.y am i even blogging this down?i'm a tough cookie remember.
i tink it must be the medications.
STOP it Lynn.for now.
Lynn's Penny For Tots
at 1:54 PM
Thursday, July 21, 2005
time is 3am.damn!i've been tossing n turning in bed since 12.15am do u know that n yet i can't get to sleep.this is so frustrating n dat's y i'm blogging.
my fever's still fluctuating.god..i've never had fever this long.it has dragged since sunday.n to add on to it,now i'm having flu!!!!my colleagues have been telling me to rest at home.but i just can't.my mind will just wander around if i keep doing nothing.i'd rather that not happen.at least work will keep my mind off things.
my body n immune system is getting rather weak.n the aircon at work is killing me definitely.but the adorable boy's sweater is keeping me warm every single minute in the office.*winks*.Thanx ahmad!Ni baru nama members kan.jgn Ms Vivi Erina kita jealous sudah.khakhakhakha....
i am suddenly feeling hungry.but my appetite is supressed.i tink i better try catch some sleep now.i need to wake up early later.
Lynn's Penny For Tots
at 3:00 AM
Monday, July 18, 2005
fever @ 39.4 degree celscius.
bones aching.
suspected ________.
*touchwood*
seeing one going thru it was enough.go figure.
Lynn's Penny For Tots
at 6:21 PM
Saturday, July 16, 2005
it's time for an update n i must tell u first that this post is gonna have a mixture of emotions in it.Ready?ok go....
i had a superb nite yesterday.bowling session with colleagues from my shift.definitely a stress reliever.pheeww....of course we girls made a fool out of ourselves looking at the way we bowl.n da best thing was i slipped on the lane.yah yah...all of dem laughed out loud.but who cares.i had my fair share of fun.n during this bowling session also,i got to know one of my new colleagues a bit better.Karen Deanne is her name n she was an ex SQ girl.very friendly n humble lady indeed.so after bowling,me,daniel n karen went off for late supper at Karachi.(U should have joined us in the car Azreen)We sat there till abt 4am.I almost died when i saw the time.ha ha...
Yesterday also reminded me of the nite i had with the girls the previous friday.That was hell i tell u.it was so muchh fun.last weekend was one of the best weekends i ever had.n i'm looking forward to a great one too this wk.It's karaoke session next wk!Anyone wanna come along?he he...
So much for the weekends.Now lemme blog down bout my weekdays which was like a ride on a rollercoaster.
Monday was my TP.Da day dat i was waiting for all these while.so much anticipation.Unfortunately it wasn't my luck to have passed the courses in the circuit.Such a waste,especially when the tester says that u were perfect on the road.but it's ok.i wasn't that upset over it.Y?cause nad was such a sweetie to have come over to CDC to give me a surprise.yeps!she was there to give me moral support. n after dat,ryna accompanied me in town till night time. :) thank you girls.
Tuesday till Thursday were the days that really brought me down.So many thoughts playing around in my mind.Things that were associated with my past relationship.On how i was there for him when he was hospitalized,especially dat particular nite where he expressed it all.Of those times that i would accompany him study for his exams after i finish working at 11pm.On how he used to say that his parents never blame his friends for wadever mistakes that is associated with him.N so many others including the pleasant n unpleasant ones.i really wondered y all these came back to my mind.I'm really affected n still am.Maybe it's hard to let go.N it's even harder when u see it with ur own eyes n presume he has moved on fast enough with another girl.I guess all these muz be one of those tests that god still want me to go thru.i'm more than willing to accept it.oh well if he really has interest in that someone new,i wish him all the best.
Graduation was a teary one.Close friends would understand y.But i was glad to have re-united with my frens.I worked hard for this damn diploma.i waited so long for it.N it's finally in my arms.I'm an official graduate of Temasek Polytechnic's Diploma in Mechatronics,along with the rest!This is one achievement i'm proud of.I have done my parents proud at least.
On a slightly happier note,it's a miracle how a part of ur past still give u flutters.Weird ain't it,but it's definitely true.Nad could see it coming n so does izzati.ha ha...i shall seal the details for now.
dis is definitely a long post n like i said filled with a mixture of emotions.i'm looking forward to tonight for a family dinner at Secret Recipe.yeay!!Dad wanna celebrate my achievement in getting a diploma.Thank You Ayah.I Love You,Ibu,Hisham & Syafiq. <3
Lynn's Penny For Tots
at 12:50 PM
Friday, July 08, 2005
everytime i watch DIA,this show will never fail to make me shed tears.n it doesn't help much either when ur watching it alone in the wee morning.somehow after the show ends,it will make me ponder n ponder about a lot of things.This might sound cliche but i do tink i can relate to the storyline!
true i've not stepped into marriage life.but looking at all the ups n downs of post n pre marriages have similarities to wad i experience in relationships.one moment it could be so fine,but at the next moment it all crashes.even the slightest wrong move could affect u in many ways.i've always tot to myself,how am i going to start on marriage life when i've never succeeded in building lasting relationships.
at times i wish i could be like Nadia.one of the main characters of this show.she is a woman of strong will power n full of independence.i envy her for being wad she is.it's never easy to be a divorcee bringing up one child.n her life is neverending filled with unnecessary gossips.to think she could bear with all that.she is a woman of patience too.maybe i shall use her character as a boost for me to further improve myself.
suddenly i'm feeling so down. :(
i tink i've been talking too much n i've been blogging quite a lot lately.
maybe it's time for me to have reserve time to myself n shut out from the outside world for a moment.
time is 3.30am.i need sleep.
Goodbye world!
Lynn's Penny For Tots
at 3:20 AM
Thursday, July 07, 2005
//edited at 10.10pm
today was our feel generous day.again being me,azreen n wee chieh.we treated the whole shift scrumptious dinner!well it's not everyday ain't it.he he..after my practical,i met wee chieh at NTUC bedok to get the necessary stuffs.lucky that guy follow.if not i dunno how to carry all those heavy stuffs.
work is shit.the workload is getting unbearable by day.oh well i guess this is part n parcel of working life.who says the procurement line is easy.but it's ok.at least during dinner we get to enjoy n relax.managed to cover another 3 episodes of Ah My Goddess,which is the japanese anime.best tau.
had a conference call at 8pm with the peeps from China,US and Europe.i hate conference calls because i'll end up so blur.typical me.ha ha...anyway after dat,i joined the rest of my babes at level 4.we did the unexpected.only meant for 21 n above to know.ka ka..let's not probe into the details,shall we.
i'm anticipating to go home!coz i wanna catch the last episode of DIA.ok ya i'll be a bit outdated.but who cares at least i get to watch it on the same day itself.it's only 10.30pm now.another half an hour to go,n *poof* i'm outta here.
it's gonna be a long day tomorrow.2 hours of practical n a pile of emails n workflows to attend to at work.better get going now.cheerios!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aku tak mengerti ... apa yang kurasa,
Rindu yang tak pernah ... begitu hebatnya
Aku mencintaimu lebih dari yang kau tahu ...
Meski kau tak akan pernah tahu
Aku persembahkan ... hidupku untukmu,
Telah kurelakan ... hatiku padamu,
Namun kau masih bisu ... diam seribu bahasa
Dan hati kecilku bicara ...
Baru kusadari ...
Cintaku bertepuk sebelah tangan
Kau buat remuk seluruh hatiku ...
Semoga waktu akan mengilhami sisi hatimu yang beku,
Semoga akan datang keajaiban, hingga akhirnya kaupun mau
Aku mencintaimu
Lebih dari yang kau tahu ...
Meski kau tak kan pernah tahu ...
Baru kusadari ...
Cintaku bertepuk sebelah tangan
Kau buat remuk seluruh hatiku ...
~Pupus,Dewa~
i'm so reminded of u now.this song that u use to hum n make fun of with the change of lyrics.
it's one of those times.the times that i would laugh at ur lameness.*am actually smiling at the tot of it now* -sighz-
too much listening to malay songs already.
Lynn's Penny For Tots
at 5:42 PM
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
dinner was hilarious just now!hungry humans are clumsy people.ka ka...
we were so excited on eating pasta.we meaning me,azreen n wee chieh.had all the plates laid out on the table,fettucini to be preheat.n so our ms azreen was knocking the bottle of spaghetti sauce to serve.as she opened the bottle cap,i could c the spaghetti sauce oozing out not from the opening of the bottle,BUT in the middle of it.there was a hole which meant that part of the bottle cracked.n so the sauce spilled all over.from the bowl to the table n to the carpetted floor.we just had to burst out laughing looking at the mess we created.n so slowly we cleaned up the place before we could enjoy our pasta.luckily the balance of sauce that spilled into the bowl was enough for 3 of us.
n my dear wee chieh got us hooked to his japanese anime.damn it.i didn't know japanese cartoons are fun to watch.managed to cover 3 episodes today.n more to come tomorrow.weeeeee!!!
tomorrow is the last day for me to hold the title as being the youngest in my shift.by friday i will have to pass on my title to a new staff.she's 19 OK!!!no more pamperings.how sad.c now who want to pamper me?:(
n oh btw,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY EFNI YULIANA!!!
belum terlambat nak wish lagi pat blog.ke ke...
Lynn's Penny For Tots
at 11:56 PM
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
I've always believed in putting my innermost self & interest when i decide to commit in something that i do.After much thinking and ponderings,i realise that this is the most important factor that keeps me going.I used to think that failures will bring me down.But as i look upon the journey of my life of 22yrs,i soon began to see that it was all these failures that bring me to where i am now.To where i stand.I'm beginning to take the bright side of failures that occur in me. :)
With regards to my previous post,pls do take note that i'm not bringing him down.i just had to pen down wad i felt in me.i couldn't let it bottle up coz i'll know i wun be able to take it.So azhar,if u had felt that way,i would truly apologise.But remember,u did say that i could say anything i want to n u wun blame me for it.
I'm calm n composed now.I truly thank god for giving me dat serenity in such a short period of time.I'm taking the situation the way it is.I remember a fren telling me,"Life is unfair,but at times u need to learn how to let go of the person u love most."n yes i'm holding on to that.thank you very nice~.
I dun deny that at times,my mind will be clouded with fond memories of us.To a certain extent it does affect me in a way or another.But i'll take all that in stride.The past is history.Let memories be the ones filling the gaping hole in my heart.
Somehow i'm glad that i'm working now coz it really takes up a lot of my time n it prevents me from thinking of the negative effects of our break up.Not forgetting my friends n colleagues who have been my backbone.Yes fir,i am a fighter and yes i am a small girl with a big heart.
I'm hoping to open a new chapter of my life pretty soon.No,not a chapter with someone new.Instead a new chapter with goals that have been laid out.It's not the time to jump into another relationship.I have many things to achieve as yet.N one of them is to get myself a bit closer to god.
Life is short.N therefore i dun see a need to instill hatred btwn each other.
Maybe we weren't meant for each other now.But if it's fated that we will be together in time to come,i welcome it with open arms.Provided both of us are willing to commit n stay true to each other.For now,i'll take things at a time.
To love is to hurt.
Lynn's Penny For Tots
at 6:17 PM
Monday, July 04, 2005
it's over.
2 yrs of being with u has diminished.it's already a chapter closed.i never knew that the time i gave u to think over stuffs would lead to this.i was disappointed.it's easy for u to say that this is the end.breaking up over the sms.simple isn't it?for goodness sake,ur a guy!can't u face me n tell me?
u told me,ur parents are against our relationship.frankly i find it hard to believe,knowing how well ur family is.i WAS tempted to call ur mum n clarify things with her.i was near 100% to doing it.But as i thought again,i shud just let it go.n i find it totally ridiculous when i received this sms from u,"I'm sorry...This is the end...I can't meet u...This is a promise i made to my mum..."
I seriously dun understand.You used to tell me,u believed in a thing called love.But y not uphold it?Not work on it?Yes i do understand that a relationship will not work without blessings from our parents.But in this case,i find it so unbelievable.I can darely say i know how ur family "works".i shall not bring up any instances here.I am still in a state of confusion.Not knowing what n who to believe.
I hate myself for being naive,giving u those chances.When all these while,i've been crying n dwelling over issues that has affected me in many ways.I tot that with me trying to change my attitude to suit u the best would help.But in the end it backfired.i even received the cold treatment from u.u just chose to ignore me.even worse,u told me much later that we shud just be friends if i wanted u to treat me nicely.treat me nicely like how u treat ur friends.wad was dat suppose to mean?isn't that plain selfishness?
wasn't the decision of mine to forget ur totally unexpected past good enough to bring our relationship closer?y did u have to add on to it with ur cold treatment which eventually lead to our break up?I wouldn't be much affected if before this,u had treated me good but due to ur parents not liking us being together,we HAVE to break up.i just felt like as if all these has been pre-planned.just look at da flow of the process of breaking up.
so much to say,yet so much censorship in myself.
azhar,if ur reading this,i just wanna tell u that i'm not blaming ur parents at all.i know what actual reasons lead to this break up.
Gone are those promises that we used to vow upon.
Gone are those moments that we had.
Gone are those kisses n hugs that we shared.
i'm not dissing u off.i wanted to meet up and talk with u,but u refused.dis is the only way to let things out in me.
i accept this break up as it is.As upset as i can be,i'm moving on.
"Dreams aren't what they used to be"
Lynn's Penny For Tots
at 6:07 PM
Friday, July 01, 2005
i'm having a spinning headache.i feel like vomitting.i want to go home!!!!!!!!!!!
n i have to wake up damn early tommorrow for practical.even my weekend is not spared.
i swear i'm gonna fall sick pretty soon.
heck it.i'm packing up now.
i miss you :(
Lynn's Penny For Tots
at 10:47 PM
before i start my actual work,i think it's better i blog first.it's been some time anyway.
life's been quite mundane lately.i'm so caught up with work n my practicals dat i dun even have time to shop.something which i have been wanting to do eversince i got my pay,but not given the chance to.with my TP coming up in less than 2 weeks,i've been asked by my instructor to attend practicals almost every single day.i'm quite tensed actually waiting for the day itself because my confidence level has dropped drastically.
work has been hell i tell u.with so much issues coming up,i'm getting much frustrated each day.but i thank god i have fellow colleagues that are here to enlighten the working environment.n it helps being the youngest in this shift.i feel pampered.he he...
i'm missing so many people right now.i miss izzati,ryna,ahmad,nad,helmy,diana n of course azhar.btw ryna,if ur reading this thank u for the sms the other day.it touched me deep deep.n izzati,thank you for the self made card.though it's still with u.ha ha...sweets.
k better start doing my pile of work now.i aim to complete all 48 emails ,43 workflows and the balance of invoice issues by today,so that i can have a peaceful weekend.wish me luck!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aku masih setia
Namun kesabaranku ada batasnya
Mungkin jua kerna aku masih menyintai
Bukan ku menyalahkan
Hanya sekadar ingin mengingatkanmu
Agar cinta ini kembali bahagia
Semakin kusut kurasai
Hari berganti hari
Engkau terus membisu
Egomu makin membelenggu
Apakah aku yang keliru
Bingung dikaburi cemburu
Atau sememangnya diriku
Sebenarnya sebegitu
Aku bukan boneka
Yang bisa kau lakukan semahunya
Namun cinta ini ku pertahankan kerana
Aku masih setia
Di sudut hatiku masih percaya
Dikau kan kembali
Seperti semula
~aku masih setia,dia fadila~
Lynn's Penny For Tots
at 3:09 PM
..Lynn..
..Twenty-Two..
..Procurement Specialist..
..Starbucks Lover..
..Treasures Friendship..
..Contented With Da Way Life Is Now..
*~Efni*~
*~Eila*~
*~Zakiah*~
*~Asryna*~
*~Syafiq*~
*~Aden*~
*~Liza*~
*~Me Bro*~
*~Dzul*~
*~Ishdah*~
*~Fir*~
*~Zur*~
*~Mariam*~
*~Tya*~
*~Adlina*~
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